Family Dynamics and Conversation Numero Uno

Firstly, I feel the need to explain the dynamics of my office. There are 5 people total, myself included. Each either has a well-known nickname, or has been deemed a nickname by yours truly.

#1. My Boss - Basically he doesn't have a nickname. But he is awesome. So we will refer to him as Boss for now until I come up with a more clever nickname.

#2. McMafia - From chiCAGO. Accent, attitude, pinky ring, the whole she-bang. I would not cross him, but I love him to death.

#3. McBundy - The odd duckling of the flock, but entertaining and weirdly fascinating none-the-less.

#4. Stiffy (or Sticky, as I prefer) - Enough Said. Giant stick-up-his-ass man with something to prove (though what, we can only imagine).

#5. Yours Truly - Again, enough said. I am the right-hand man.

There have been many conversations missed before I had the epic idea to begin a blog about said conversations. With that said, we will start with a conversation had today. Let me preface this by saying that a certain newcomer in our office has been doted with the nickname of "Stiffy". In my opinion, "Sticky" would be better, seeing as he has a GIANT stick up his ass. But none-the-less, Stiffy it is. Today, there has apparently been an unpleasant aroma in the outside hallway that Stiffy described as "a shit explosion". After leaving and re-entering the office multiple times (and making a "shit" comment each and every time), Stiffy requests that I notify the owner on the sixth floor of the smelly hallway. By owner, he meant "sexiest man alive" DBA "McYummy", and by passing this ridiculous task to me, he meant that he felt too awkward to address it with McYummy (most likely due to sheer intimidation and possibly a man-crush). I am not stupid enough to accept this task. Thus begins the e-mail conversation with my boss that went like this, word for word (with the exception of names):

Me: Do we have an e-mail for McYummy upstairs? Stiffy/Sticky is requesting that we tell him how much the hallway smells.

Boss: You're kidding right.

Me: I wish I was...

Boss: You can always walk up there and tell McYummy in person how bad the poo smells.

Me: Yes. That is going to the top spot on my "To Do" list.

Boss: Please don't toy with my emotions. I want to enjoy the uncomfortable-ness of that moment.

Me: Never. I would smear poo all over David's desk before I would approach McYummy with a poo smell issue. That's just ridiculous.

Boss: I think you just validated my reason for hiring you. In fact, I'm sure of it.